I heard we made out
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
