Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
