I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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