i permit you to call me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
