I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dick very happy bro
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
