our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
