How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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