did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
