I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need a beard to bite.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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