that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
