It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
