i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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