I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
