what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
