omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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