Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
