Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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