How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
