I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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