I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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