Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
