Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
