Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
