Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
