have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
