i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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