Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
