FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
