We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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