i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
