if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
