Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
