I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
