For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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