I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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