So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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