your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
