I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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