Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
