so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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