I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
