I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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