jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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