Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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