Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
