Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
