dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
