when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
COCAINE IS GR8
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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