great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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