first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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