Girls should come with a carfax report
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
