did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
