Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
