Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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