do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
