We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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