apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
