i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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