Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
