The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
